What if we considered every emotion as nothing else but a sign or signal.
When we're on the road and we see, say a STOP signal or a sharp curve ahead sign or a board that says school ahead, we use these to understand the traffic situation or to plan our action or maybe just make a mental note and become more aware and cautious.
In some ways these signals lead us to better understanding and in many ways help us choose our actions.
With this perspective when we see our child with a particular emotion - we now don't need to categorize that sign as negative or positive (because signs are neither) nor we need to change the emotions. We can use these emotions/signals as a way to understand the child.
And when we acknowledge feelings, of the child, we are primarily bringing his or her awareness to these signals.
With this perspective when we see our child with a particular emotion - we now don't need to categorize that sign as negative or positive (because signs are neither) nor we need to change the emotions. We can use these emotions/signals as a way to understand the child.
And when we acknowledge feelings, of the child, we are primarily bringing his or her awareness to these signals.
Just like on the road we don't question signals/signs, nor do we deny or negate them, here also with the child we can start by acknowledging and accepting the emotion.
'Attention' has the potential to assuage, sometimes far more than what remedial action can do.
Many of us talk about controlling anger or overcoming fear or avoiding embarrassment and so on.
But when we embrace our emotions, since they as signals are helpful, to understand ourselves and others, then this understanding leads to various ways of working with it.
Similarly the child, once aware of emotion, can (with or without our help) look at alternate options.
Let us take one example of fear. Say, I am scared of spiders or lizards.
You will often hear people say, "I live with this fear". Which is kind of funny to say "I live with this signal".
One option is continuing to consider this fear as a thing to live with.
Another option is to realise that the signal is telling you to say understand spiders or lizards.
One option is continuing to consider this fear as a thing to live with.
Another option is to realise that the signal is telling you to say understand spiders or lizards.
Step one would be knowing the spiders - read about them from multiple books, get to know their habits and characteristics. Watch videos on youtube. As I spend more time with (not real) spiders, I start understanding what part of me is scared of them or what aspects of their presence or behaviour etc makes me scared.
If required I read / watch more about these aspects (eg: I google for "Do spiders bite humans" or "Can spiders cause skin allergies". While I gain knowledge and familiarity, I use this to connect to myself and understand myself. Also, I use others as a mirror to bring more clarity.
So here, fear is not a block, not a problem, rather an invitation to learn about the world outside and a window to seeing the inside self.
If required I read / watch more about these aspects (eg: I google for "Do spiders bite humans" or "Can spiders cause skin allergies". While I gain knowledge and familiarity, I use this to connect to myself and understand myself. Also, I use others as a mirror to bring more clarity.
So here, fear is not a block, not a problem, rather an invitation to learn about the world outside and a window to seeing the inside self.
Second example: Child is frustrated with his/her work not coming out satisfactorily.
Here the signal is begging for an action. Once we acknowledge the feeling, we can either invite the child to think of alternatives or you can suggest a few. (Just like when we see `sharp turn ahead` we may choose to slow down or may choose to maneuver the curve at the same speed but with more caution and skill)
Realise the moment we think of emotion as a signal, it no more bothers us, which makes us not only look for the signal, but also easy to acknowledge it and then wait for options / action if any.
Realise the moment we think of emotion as a signal, it no more bothers us, which makes us not only look for the signal, but also easy to acknowledge it and then wait for options / action if any.
One more example: Child is feeling shy (say at a party).
Probably this signal is more to make a mental note, be aware, observe more and be in sync with the child's internal environment. We can acknowledge this without saying anything or even doing anything and letting the signal be the monitor which is broadcasting the process going on within (the child).
The signal here says behold me, but stay on road 🙂
-----------------------------
When emotions are just helpful signs then there is no need to win over them. They then are our teammates.
When emotions are just helpful signs then there is no need to win over them. They then are our teammates.
As you read above, you will realise how each emotion can play the signal / sign - invitation to observe others / world and the opportunity to understand the self. And we hope you also realise how we can play an interesting role in the child's journey, using emotions as a signal, or invitation or a window.
warmly
warmly
Aditi-Ratnesh (Ph: +91-98450-45833)
Open learning group on Telegram
Aarohi is an Open Learning Community for learners of all ages: Open to all kinds of interests, abilities, styles and content areas. Learning by doing what one wants, how one wants, and self reflection. Community to co-live, co-learn and co-support each other. Aarohi's Campus is in a village near Hosur in Tamil Nadu (55km fm Bangalore).
Comments
Post a Comment